I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
