I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
