first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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