Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
