Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
