so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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