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I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
