i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
