Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Its about making memories worth repressing
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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