why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
