he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
