She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
