I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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