): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
