Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
