in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
