I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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