Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
