Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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