He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
