I think scott just propositioned me for sex
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
