I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
