He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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