even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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