Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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