so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
nutella sex= disaster
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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