Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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