Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
