I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you inspire me to be a worse person
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
