So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
