omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
