a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
