security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We're too hungover to prance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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