Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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