Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
