You work out of a Hotel?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
