4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
