I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we're making bets on your personal life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
