just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
