My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
