All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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