for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
