Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
