so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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