There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My feet surprised me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize