Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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