they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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