He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
