i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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