he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
