I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
