I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
