Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
