we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
