She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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