suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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