im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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