Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
