Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mom said you looked used
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
