How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
