mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
