Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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