Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
