he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
