i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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