what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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