she woke up with a sticky ear
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
