I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
