I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Pooping to opera.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
