I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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