So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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