I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
