Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
