Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
