What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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