Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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