I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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