two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
