someone threw a dead crab at me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just found puke in my bra..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize